You know you are obsessed and consumed by The Big Bang Theory when…
You play “Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock” to resolve disputes.
You do three knock cadences when summoning someone.
You know all the words to “Soft Kitty.”
You have sung the aforementioned song as a round.
You shout “We built the pyramids!” during the theme song.
You know that Tweedy Bird really “taht he taw a Romulen.”
Your comeback to bullying is “a homo habilis discovering its opposable thumbs says what?”
You label everything in the house, including the label maker.
You know Nebraska is “better than North Dakota,” although it’s only funny in Nebraska, or at least not in California…
You know the full names of Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj.
You do Sheldon’s creepy smile when you know it’s polite to look happy.
You know that when you understand the laws of physics that anything is possible. (Mua ha ha)
You can recite one or more of Sheldon’s “typical psychotic rants.”
You bug your eyes out and say “I’m CRAZY!”
Someone requests an application and you state that you are more of a theorist.
You ask people that if they were a robot and you knew and they didn’t, whether or not they’d want you to tell them.
You know exactly WHY Wolowitz bailed out of Med School.
You know that autotrophs don’t drool, but you love the theme song anyway.
You watch Star Wars, you say, “We defeated the empire!”
You chant “B to the R to the I-S-K to the E to the T…”
You compare your boyfriend to Ernie from “Sesame Street,” because “Ernie just gave.”
You announce in a loud voice that you have to urinate.
You know the difference between the Doppler Effect and “A brain-damaged choo choo train.”
You interpret hugs based on the length in “Mississippis.”
Your friend is contemplating moving, and you remind them that they have to stay in one place in case the Mother Ship returns.
Corduroy suits suddenly don’t seem so bad.
You know that negative results are still results-even twenty thousand of them.
You call your collection of nerdy belongings “Nerdvana.”
You want luminous fish.
Unimpressed by the ‘performance’ of a significant other, you flatly refer to them as “you magnificent beast.”
You use Schrödinger’s cat as metaphors for relationships.
You know that whispering “do not make a sound,” is a sound.
You shout “Bazinga!” when celebrating the tricking of someone.
You’re in a good mood and inform others of this by saying that, in the world of emoticons, you are colon capital D.
You say that surprise caused people to go colon capital O.
You play the element game with your friends in the car.
You can’t master something and claim it’s because you’re too evolved.
You’ll buy things because “the man on the box looks so happy!”
You have a sarcasm sign.
You compare platonic relationships to “individually wrapped slices of cheese.”
You live in fear of the three-tined fork.
You know that “It was just a hug,” means, “It means I wish you weren’t going.” Duh, right?
You know you can call “dibs” because you can look it up on Wikipedia.
You have a board.
You think that there should be a “check the check engine light light” in a car.
You try to blow up someone’s head with your mind.
You tell people that you’ve “got your geek on.”
You know that ANYTHING beats, “you know I’m a dude,” right?
You know all the words to the theme song.
You have an Honorary Justice League of America membership card because it says “keep this on your person at all times,” under Batman’s signature.
You use “AFK” as a busy status on the computer.
You know that Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts and NOT the scientist.
You weave “Un-unwravelable” webs while lying.
You play “Mock the Flawed Technology” with a cell phone.
In restaurants, you don’t allow “substitutions, eliminations,” or “reductions.”
You know the advantages of buying in bulk.
You’d pick the museum of natural history over the planetarium because they have dinosaurs.
You reference Star Trek battle scenes as a means of explaining yourself.
You can name seven guys Penny has been with.
You know that someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah “cuz I sold my soul to the company store.”
You tell someone, in Mandarin, that their monkey sleeps inside you.
You know it’s a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable and a lot wrong to say it’s a suspension bridge.
You refer to things as “a hoot and a half.”
Someone suggests something preposterous and you agree to it, suggesting afterwards to go pilin’ in a pickup and go skinny dipping down at the crick.
You look for the acoustic sweet spot in a movie theater.
You know that what happens in costume at Comic Con stays at Comic Con!
You have a tie that works as two, and yet doesn’t even work as one.
You know that EVERYTHING is better with Bluetooth.
Something startles you and you say “oh, there’s the arrhythmia!”
You have a friendship algorithm.
Someone respects one of your idiosyncrasies and you offer them chocolate.
You inform people you are hitting on what your race invented, adding, “You’re welcome.”
You imitate Admiral Akbar saying “It’s a trap!”
Someone you know storms away and you respond by sticking up your pinkie and saying “sisters?”
You know that nothing is interesting about caves.
You tell brave friends that minstrels will write songs about them, taking the part of the minstrel.
You say “hola, nerdmigos!”
You laugh at the same things over and over again.
You have the picture of the LOL Cat that wants to “Haz Cheezeburger.”
Your excuse for getting teased about a nerdy possession is “it’s a lot cooler when girls aren’t looking at it.”
You refuse to cut open a dumpling.
You name your cat Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.
You understand why one can’t wear a warrior flight suit on Halloween.
You can no longer read “The Little Engine That Could.”
Your alternative name for sex is “hyna klyna bang-bang music!”
You get more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility when keeping a secret.
You know that the check engine light being on means that you should…you know…check your engine!
You understand that for someone to miss you, you have to be gone.
You like smiley faces carved into your grilled cheese.
You diagnose Tourettes Syndrome when someone randomly swears.
You know that forks are for eating, and tridents are for ruling the seven seas.
You really want a Snuggie, so you can get “all snoodled up.”
After greeting your parents, you say, “I’m not drunk,” afterwards explaining that you are just making conversation.
You say, “Holy crap on a cracker!”
You start ordering your barbecue bacon cheeseburger with “barbecue, bacon, and cheese on the side.”
You have a favorite place to “kick back after a quest.”
You call your boyfriend your little homunculus.
You instruct people you are feuding with to kiss your Barbie.
You want to be a rabbit king.
After making a date with someone, you inform them that you’ll get your chisel, to carve the…never mind.
You are suddenly afraid of every shower without adhesive ducks.
You add “bam!” to the end of every sentence.
You try to make corn starch and water dance on a stereo.
You say “shmear me.”
You know that love is a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms or hits you with the pepper spray.
You know the difference between “centrifugal” and “centripetal” force.
You hear “manganese” and laugh to yourself.
You realize it’s a good point that many villains have advanced degrees, and feel graduate school should step it up.
You celebrate “Anything Can Happen Thursday.”
You hear someone say “PMS” or “AA,” and think of the Perpetual Motion Squad and the Army Ants.
You end all voice messages with, “It’s Howard.”
You know that “friends do not get their friends care bears all sweaty.”
Your response to people questioning your behavior is “it’s an experiment.”
You tell people that they need to picture you with a giant squid head.
You inform people that it is “Junior Rodeo On!”
You have a new and creepy way of comforting people who are injured and/or scared.
You love Leonard and Penny.
You sort your cereal by fiber content.
A Mexican Hairless is mentioned and you say, “annoying little animal; yip yip yip!”
You know the name of every episode…… in order.
You order Virgin Diet Cuba Libres at bars.
You know you’re not insane because your mother had you tested.
You love a couple so much you will fight to the death for them.
You HAVE a “you know you’re obsessed when” article.
You can be persuaded by Spock’s Dying Words.
You say that a relationship that ended badly “crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.”
You explain that the seat beside you is taken by “my physics bowl trophy!”
You can think of some really nasty pranks to play on people you loathe in your workplace.
You can name at least five nicknames for Sheldon.
You call yourself or a particularly spontaneous acquaintance, “a big ol’ five.”
You know how the title is relevant to the episode.
You can guess the content of the episode in advance, based solely on the title.
You don’t want Sheldon to ever-ever, get a girlfriend.
You know how many days it is to the next new episode (even over a summer).
You suggest people make friends by simply being pleasant.
You do a high pitched “he he he he he he!” when trying to be intimidating.
You use lines from the show in casual conversation.
You have a bowl for your keys.
You hold out the word “bowl” when discussing your bowl for keys.
You know that in Nebraska people only shoot things if they want to eat them or make them leave their boyfriends alone.
You award “strikes” to your friends for breaking unwritten “rules” in your home.
You want Sheldon’s contraption that folds laundry.
You try to smash a flash frozen banana.
You call yourself “the small package good things come in” when trying to pick up girls.
You disguise your voice over the phone and ask people why they are calling at such an “ungodly” hour.
You get a new friend and start chanting “one of us, one of us…”
You make sure your temporary bed is oriented with the headboard away from the door.
Someone asks who you are and you say, “I am Sheldon’s cousin Leo…”
You suddenly are proud of your restraining orders.
A friend tells someone that they are dead to them, and you go on to explain exactly what that means.
The first thing you share with people about yourself is your Zodiac sign.
After listening to a painful melody, say with a lot of emotion, “God, that’s a good song!”
You won’t have anyone touch your food.
You look up the definition of “quantum mechanics” because it’s referenced so much.
You have a special “spot” you always must sit in.
You will never forget “Higgs Boson Particle.”
You want “the bleep” to be replaced by a boing! And an atom picture…
And when you don’t need any more explanation on the previous statement.
You change “lobster” to “mobster.”
You cheered when Penny completed the Sheldon’s Spot Rant without error.
You say, in the voice of the Incredible Hulk “Good-night, Puny Human!”
You tell people you are arguing with that “you and I are about to have a problem.”
You are asked to tell a secret and reply “I’m Batman! Shhh!”
You really want Raj’s shirt that plays music.
You have a baseball bat handy, so if someone breaks in you can go “all Nebraska on them”!
You tell yourself that you are the master of your own bladder.
You already knew that Sheldon and Penny were friends and so were not surprised when she was not the “acquaintance.”
You aren’t sure of an answer and so guess “Star Wars”?
You know that Sheldon didn’t invent the 26 dimensions-they’re there!
You know that Stan Lee is not Bruce Lee’s brother.
You want to know how to shoot so close to a raccoon that it craps itself.
You want a Joker ringtone even though it creeps both Penny and Leonard out.
You want Cylon toast.
You know that the three most menial jobs are tollbooth attendant, Apple store genius, and what Penny does.
You want to go to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn.
You make an Big Bang Theory themed Easter Egg.
You look at a friend and say slowly “Schnapps.”
You give someone the “moving finger.”
You know that if “it doesn’t feel like an arm,” then “maybe you should let it go.”